More and more people choose to date outside their race today than any time before. Prior to this, interracial marriages was considered illegal in most parts of the world and attracted punishment under the court of law.

This change has been perceived to be one of the biggest game changers in the history. Take for instance America. According to statistics, by 1980 only 3.2 percent of all the marriages in the United States were interracial. However, statistics issued by the US census bureau in 2013 claimed that the number has risen to 8.4 percent.

As a matter of fact, a majority of the interracial marriages in the US involve black women and white men. Online interracial dating sites have been said to pay a pivotal in the growth of white men black women dating. They have provided internet users with a feature-packed medium of communication where they can find the love of their life from the convenience of their couch.

Here are some of the major reasons why black women looking for white men for dating has become so popular lately:

• White men treat their partners better: 

Black women seeking companionship of someone that would treat them like a princess look no further than white males. It is a well known fact that white men treat their partners really well and give no scope of any complaint. While this cannot be said about all black men, especially taking the stereotypes into account.

• Black women are amazing cooks: 

If you're a foodie, there would be nothing better than to be dating a black woman. These women are known to be great cooks and you'd never get bored trying out what they've experimented with, while you were at work.

• Mixed babies look gorgeous: 

Have you ever dreamt of having interracial babies? If yes, then dating a while man or a black woman is probably something that you should look forward to. Interracial babies have the best of both world and look spectacular.

• White men are known to spend quality time with their family: 

It has been said that white men spend more time with the family in comparison to black men. This certainly cannot be generalized but trends are something worth considering. This happens to be another major reason behind the increasing popularity of black women - white men dating.


Now that you're aware of the advantages of black women white men dating, it's time to get onto a trusted interracial dating site and find a compatible match.

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts” is a famous quote by Washington Irving and aptly expresses a mother’s boundless and eternal love for her child or children.

In the eyes of the world, you may be the most despised or hated person but one thing is for sure – For your mother, you despite your wrongdoings will always remain a jewel in her eye. For most of us, it is our mother and not our father who is the confidants. The reason being mothers are naturally more sensitive to a child’s needs and understand their trials and tribulations better. A mother is the person to go to for a hug, counseling or advice because you know that she would only desire the best for you.

So it is time to reciprocate those feelings and what better day to do it than on Mother’s Day?

You could gift her something that she had been contemplating to buy for some time. However for this you will need to keep a keen eye on her and find out yourself what she is most in need of.

A leading online gift service has recently revealed what mom doesn't want to be given this mother's day. 500 moms were asked to name the best and worst Mother's Day gifts. Are these on your list?

Worst Mother's Day Gifts Ever:

• Forgetting Mother's Day - this is a no-brainer

• Kitchen appliances

• Garden tools

• Cleaning supplies

• Dead and poorly arranged flowers

So, what do moms care most about? Moms want loved ones to remember their special day. Women in general love fashion accessories, gold, apparel, designer bags, etc and mothers are no exception to this phenomenon. If you have money to spend, then this is also an option to explore. Take her out for dinner or a movie in the evening and treat her like a queen. Most moms love jewelry, flowers, and a day off from chores. What she wants most is your time....our most valuable asset.

Here are some of the gifts that topped the list.

The best mother's day gifts are:

• jewelry

• homemade cards (It doesn't have to be expensive. Your thoughts are worth far more.)

• homemade gifts

• A day at the spa.... This is especially fun to do with a friend

• help with chores

• beauty products.... Consider putting together a beauty basket filled with massage oils, lotions, and all of her other favorite beauty products.

For the ones whose pockets are running dry or for those who don’t believe in such melodramatics, there are other alternatives. You could opt to cook the afternoon food on mother’s day or you could also take up the responsibility of cleaning up your house on that day. Give her a huge hug and plant a peck on her cheek, first thing in the morning when you get up. She would surely love such a gesture!

More importantly, don’t forgot to wish your mom on mother’s day. For mother’s, their kids are their greatest treasures and they feel far happier over their successes than even they do. Mother’s day is a day to honor that seemingly endless love that they impart upon us in a small way.

Surprise the superwoman of the household with something special.
Don't miss out on the best deals for mother's day on our DealsClub page.

My older brother and his annoying friends call this age the “no-fly zone” for dating, meaning the age of 28 to 32. Things change for a woman at around 27 or 28. Before this, she was in perpetual party mode.She could cruise with the 'gals' until the wee hours of the morn', and party like it was 1999. These were her days of occasional one-night-stands and reckless behavior. When she hits the end of her twenties, she starts to understand that she’s approaching the big three-oh – and she hasn’t had any babies.

She sees her sisters building little families, and even if she hasn’t been fully sold that she should become a mother, she thinks she ought to, because time is running out and she doesn’t want to miss the opportunity.

She’s probably heard that misquoted statistic about women who don’t marry by 35 never do, and fear strikes her heart as anxiety creeps in.

She has a lifetime of programs instilled in her that say that a woman in our society gets married, gets a house, and starts making babies when she’s in her thirties. If she doesn’t, there’s something wrong with her.

It’s at this point that she takes on what I call 'the blood-scent'. The reason I call it this is because you can smell it on her a mile away, just by her attitudes and almost manic focus on all things marriage and family related. She subscribes to “Bride” even when she’s not dating. She dotes on her nephews and nieces as if the were her own. She goes home at night and burns ceremonial incense to the pagan gods if they will bring her a man and keep her womb fertile.

Okay, so I took this a little extreme, but you get my point.

How do you spot her?

1. She’s very interested in dating, and comes across as a bit fervent and manic. You see her sizing men up when introduced by a friend. You swear you might have even seen fangs when she smiled at them.
2. She’s the one who asks/begs her female and male friends to hook her up with everyone they know.
3. She’s talks a lot about marriage, babies, houses, and life plans.
4. She doesn’t seem to be living her life, all so that she won’t scare off a potential husband. She doesn’t see that her difficulty in having successful relationships is an indicator that she’s placing far too much importance on her programmed goal of getting married rather than living out her life.
5. She laments that there are no good men out there, looking for only her “knight in shining armor.” She wants a man and a family to complete her.

Is she doing this on purpose? No, not at all. She’s just going after what she wants, the same way everyone else is.

The mistake (my personal opinion - and im no expert!) being made by this woman all the time is that she allows her goal to cloud her vision – and her selection process. Instead of finding a man she can bond with and forge a solid relationship, she wants the one who will father her children and provide.

She also does this by ignoring her own life and becomes what she thinks she needs to be to get a husband.

She will succeed, but down the road, after twenty-odd years of child-rearing, there’s not much left between her and the man to keep the relationship from dissolving. She’s blinding herself to the prerequisite of a good match and selling herself into the Marriage Program .

Our culture fosters this kind of approach to dating, love, marriage, and families. Girls have been sold a bill of goods since they were small and innocent. Women are given specific gender roles, which are reinforced through the media. Girls are programmed that
they must dress in pink, not blue, and play with baby dolls, not cars or trucks.

They are given Walt Disney movies that tell you how to think of men as “Prince Charming” stereotypes, who will someday come and sweep you off your feet. They buy magazines that proclaim to help them build their female esteem by adhering to a code of physical appearance (be skinny as a rail and wear these clothes and shoes), and they compare themselves with other women at every opportunity.

I tell you this not to fill you with despair, but so you’ll know what kind of playing field to expect when your clock starts ticking louder.

We don’t really know what we want when we’re young. That’s not to say you will figure it all out later (or can’t figure it out sooner), but experience will make for better decisions. Also, there are many mistakes you must make, and some mistakes you can’t simply learn from watching others.

The female “program” should only further reinforce the importance of building your plan early on. These are tricky and treacherous waters. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there. I want you to see what’s up ahead and make your own decisions – not the ones someone else has made for you.

Feel free to leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you. Remember to subscribe for more.

What do women really want? This is an age old question that men have likely been trying to answer since the dawn of time. Although men’s magazines will try and convince the world that women are only interested in a very specific set of characteristics, like abs of steel, money, sports cars, sexual prowess - and did I mention abs - what women want is actually a lot more complex.

Any woman would tell you she wants a man who knows when to hold the door, he knows how to pick up a tab and also knows how to show someone a good time. The ‘evolved’ man picks his date up knowing exactly where he is going to take her. He tells her and asks if she agree. She will.

He takes her to a restaurant: somewhere unusual and out of the way. He asks her what she wants to do after dinner. She probably won’t have any ideas, but now that he’s asked, he can make his own suggestion. Classy men generally shoot a bit higher than “a movie”.

This rare species of men will end the date with an ‘enjoy the moment’ experience. Go for a walk or a drive or go stargazing or chill out on the deck and have a drink. Aghhh, I’m getting carried away here!

But is that all there is to the ideal man?

While it is true for us (women) that looks, success and chivalry play an important role when choosing a partner, however after observing a good number of my female friends, I found that what really turns women on is anything but skin (or wallet) deep. So after doing my own little digging I present to you 6 subtle qualities women find extremely attractive in a man.

1. Languages

A man that can speak more than one language is hot. He seems learned and mysterious.

   2. Party Tricks

Not all skills are as difficult as learning new languages. At the other end of the spectrum from bilingualism are party tricks. Any neat little thing that a man can do with cards, coins, shooters, or cherry stems will immediately pique a woman’s interest AND make for a great ice-breaker. Encourage your man to pick up one slim book of card or coin tricks and watch him blow your mind :).

   3. A Man That Can Be Able to Fix Anything

A man with expertise is really a turn-on especially if it involves the use of the hands - the manipulative hands. How do they do it? We don’t know, and that’s why we love ‘em. They know how to use all the power tools, they know how to work all the latest technology. They can install your DVD drive, unclog your sink, and boost a dead car battery.

Just figuring out how to jiggle a wire or tighten a screw can do wonders - the man with the magic touch.

   4. Music Appreciation

Not necessarily a man that knows all his classical composers, a man should know what’s on the radio, know what’s playing at the club, and have a few ideas about cool new stuff that’s not on the radio or at the club.

There’s nothing sadder than dating one of those old dudes that still listens to the music that was cool when they were 16. An even sexier man is one that can play an instrument, preferably something masculine, like the guitar, or the saxophone. Or hey, if he can sing – so much the better.

   5. Art Appreciation

Thinking about and understanding art isn’t about a man knowing his history lessons.

It’s about being thoughtful, open-minded, and interested in the world around him.

Art gives insight into life, and men that understand art usually can express themselves clearly.

   6. Cooking

All the greatest chefs in the world are men, and knowing what to eat and how to cook is the ideal’s man essential. When it comes to dazzling the ladies, that’s all a man usually needs.

Feel free to share your thoughts, i'd love to hear your opinion

One of the most significant reasons that many people never achieve in their lives is that they are addicted to the approval of others. The problem with this habit is that it leaves you vulnerable to being manipulated. People pick up that you're anxious to please them, that your main priority is that 'everything be okay'.

For many of us, this came as conditioning from our parents. All children want is acceptance and love, and we learned that if we did what mommy and dad approved, we sometimes got that love.

Well-meaning parents knew that they could manipulate our behavior through their use of granting approval and love.

So what happens to the poor child? They grow up to think that they’re only valuable if they are approved of.

If you do good, Joanne, we’ll like you, and that means you’ll be worth something.

Otherwise… well, you’re just what you want to think you are.

The thoughts of other people have no real impact on you if you have a strong enough sense of self. Let me give you an example:

Say for instance you had a great childhood. You had a lot of friends that you considered great friends. They served as a foundation of your high self-image through school, and you went on to more success in college and in your first career.
One night, you get a call from John, the one person you considered your closest friend over the years. John tells you he’s been having problems, and his therapist suggested he call you up and tell you his true feelings. John tells you he was never very fond of you. He then goes into all the things he hated about you and why he acted like your friend just to stay popular with other people. In fact, John tells you, no one in your group of friends liked you that much. At the end of it all, John hangs up on you.

What do you make of this?

Was your entire sense of self based on an illusion? Are you really not who you thought you were all those years? Everything you did based on that assumption that these were your friends was a mistake? A lie?

Or could John have been lying about it, distorting things through the lens of his own mental problems?

What’s the end result?

Even if you believe your “friend,” you’d still be the same person. You’d still have accomplished the same things and the same successes. Only now you can see even more clearly that what other people think about you isn’t what matters. It’s what you think about you.

Now, there are two extremes to this behavior. On the far right end is where you don’t care what anyone thinks and you do only what you want. You become a sociopath, with no real barometer of what right and wrong is, acting purely out of self-interest.

On the left end of the spectrum is what I call the approval-seeking toadie. He’s a guy who is so totally caught up in being approved of – usually because his self-esteem was never built up by his parents – that he will do anything just to be liked.

The place you want to be is somewhere just to the right of the middle between these two extremes. You have to be able to fit into society in some way, but you should not let too much of this “majority” thinking decide your life. The vast majority of people do not aspire to the heights you are, so you must be willing to stand out and be different. If this means that a few people don’t like who you are or what you do, then so be it.

Oh, and if you think you can make everyone like you, you’re in for a big surprise.

No matter what you do in life, there will always be people who don’t like you. Get used to it.

Over the past few months, the concepts of stripping back the superfluous, simplifying and pulling apart the true meaning of integrity have been strong personal themes. For many people, there's a drive to again inspect old patterns that continue to run happily in the background despite years of self-examination. Perhaps under the direction of a new global energy, there's a sense of being able to lovingly let go of those things that have served us all well on one level, yet have offered excuses to stay small on another.

I came across Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements the other day and it strongly resonated with this desire to pare back; to simplify; to become more real as a participant in this world and begin operating in a more authentic way.

With these 4 simple tenets, we could literally change the way we as humans operate in this world. How do they resonate with you?

 1. Be Impeccable with your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.



2. Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.



3. Don't Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.




4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, I'd love to hear from you.

There is plenty of information available to help the spouse who's been cheated on, yet there is very little information available to help the wayward spouse. Countless relationships end as a result of infidelity. However, it's not necessarily because the spouse found out and couldn't forgive the behavior; it's because the person who cheated couldn't forgive themselves.

If you are trying to come to terms with having cheated on your spouse, then you need to start viewing cheating for what it is - a bad choice. It's nothing more and nothing less. The old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is nothing more than a judgment which is intended to deter people from cheating in the first place. Don't buy into this belief about yourself. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. Likewise, who you are in a burning building is very different from who you are at a picnic. Our circumstances at any given moment can change who we are, once we understand this about ourselves we can begin to live at a level of awareness where choosing our behavior becomes possible.

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Many would argue, (myself included) that it's best to tell your spouse what has happened, unfortunately though, many of us aren't in relationships that can withstand anything less than the image we project. However, that's not to say that our relationships can't or won't get to that level in the future.

If you find that you're in a situation where you don't feel you can share your indiscretion with your spouse without destroying your relationship, and yet, you also don't feel as though you can remain in your relationship without disclosing what's happened, then try the following:

First, find a couple hours where you can be alone without any chance of being interrupted (you will need a pen and notepad for this exercise). Now, I want you to write down everything that happened leading up to and including the indiscretion. The process is the same whether it was a one time encounter or an ongoing affair.

After you have written down everything in vivid detail, try to remember if there was anything you were afraid of prior to the incident. Typically, some type of fear precipitates cheating on a partner. For instance, were you afraid of not having anything to look forward to in the future? Were you afraid of getting older? Did you feel that this was your last chance at happiness and/or excitement? Were you afraid that your spouse was cheating on you? Really try to think back to what you were feeling at the time.

After you're finished answer this question, If I could go back, would I still make the same decision today, or would I choose differently? If your answer is "yes, I would choose differently," then write down all of the reasons you would make a different choice today.

I want you to reread everything that you've written. Take it all in one last time. Now, I want you to tear up what you've written and throw it away. You've acknowledged what's happened and you've come to the conclusion that this is not a decision you would make again in the future. Therefore, there is no need to revisit this experience again.

However, you may find that there are times when you will still feel guilty. Cheating is a little like dieting. So often when people cheat on their diets, they give up and stop trying to diet at all. It can be the same way with cheating on your spouse. People often give up on their relationships because they cheated. The guilt causes the cheater as well as the dieter to want to start over with a clean slate. So, the dieter goes on a binge and decides to start fresh with a new diet. Likewise, the cheater does the same thing - they give up on their relationship and they decide to start fresh with a new partner. If you can see the insanity in this behavior in terms of dieting then you should also be able to see the insanity in this behavior when it comes to relationships. A dieter with this type of mentality will most likely never lose weight; instead they will simply keep going back to the beginning, or in other words, starting over. If you apply this same logic to your relationship, expect the same results; plan to continue going back to the beginning to start over again with a new partner.

In the future, if you start to feel guilty about this again, I want you to read the following paragraph. In fact, reread it every time you catch yourself starting to feel even a twinge of guilt:

My relationship is not tarnished because of my behavior. I made a bad choice; however, no single decision has the potential to define who I am. I have not lost anything from this experience except the ignorance which is necessary to judge myself and others. I will forgive myself today - only by doing so will I be able to love and give again to the people around me

Now, I want to leave you with a question.

Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who knows they are capable of cheating and yet they are consciously choosing to be faithful; as opposed to someone who mistakenly thinks they are just naturally incapable of certain behaviors? If you have cheated on your partner you now have the ability to choose to be faithful instead of naively or childishly just assuming it about yourself; which means you now have the wisdom and experience to be truly trustworthy.

See, you really do deserve to be free from this guilt!

While most people anticipate having genuine friends in their circle for a lifetime, well, that remains a dream. Everyone wishes to have a friend they can rely on as a confidante, a shoulder to cry on in times of emotional trouble, someone to borrow money from when times are financially tough, and understand them on the spiritual level. Most people who call themselves "your friend" are only around in your life for a particular season. This is the true about the uncertain game called life. As we all wish to have friends who would be there for us no matter what, people come and go unannounced not caring about how you feel and in the end they walk away.

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There are people that will walk into your life and call themselves your friend. They may have a sincere will in their heart to be your friend to the very end during the beginning of the friendship. Somewhere along the line mental wires will cross. Something will happen during the course of the friendship, such as an argument, the strength of your finances decreasing, perhaps you're unable to achieve your life goals in a certain time span, or whatever the case may be. Your so-called friend may start secretly judging you because of whatever. Maybe you don't have a college degree. Maybe you don't have the kind of money they have. Or the kinds of luxury cars. People change up on others when they start seeing others not matching up to their silent expectations. While it is a hurtful feeling a friend may turn on you because of secretly judging you for whatever reason, there still are valuable lessons to be learned not just about that person but about life in general.

Have you ever had a friend who secretly judged you because of financial problems, yet they had life issues of their own which prevent them from moving forward in their ambitions? We all have friends who secretly judge us on something. When these people change up on you as a friend, remain humble and kindly walk away. They may start ignoring you for whatever reason. They won't answer your e-mails. They won't call you back when they say they will. They may renege on their word of engaging in an activity with you. These are people who help you pass time and are not genuine friends. These are also the kinds of people where they sit back and watch you progress, then come running back when they see you doing good without them, smiling in your face in trying to speak either direct or through other people. These kinds of people teach you a priceless lesson about life in terms of watching the kinds of people you affiliate with. While it's not a good idea to keep company of fake friends, these kinds of individuals may be your indirect motivation toward starting a business, going the extra mile in your educational endeavors to graduate from college with a bachelors degree, Masters degree, or perhaps a post honorary PhD degree, and subliminally inspire you to seek out a genuine soul-mate to marry. Fake friends have a unique way of positively inspiring someone to be better in unimaginable ways.

If you've ever had a fake friend in your life that walked away from you, don't chase them. They expect you to chase them for their friendship because they feel they are possibly better than you. People potentially walk away because they also want you to purchase their friendship. Do not chase these people that subliminally want you to pay for them the be in your life. They are fake and phony. Maintain your cool by moving forward in life doing what you do and keep a positive mindset. This is true transformation of the heart and character when you do not engage in any outbursts whatsoever towards a person who turned on you who was deemed once upon a time a so-called friend. Let them walk away. They will sit back and silently watch you make wonderful progress and try to speak as I've mentioned previously when they notice things start moving in your favor. They will try to speak to you when least expected and no one is around to see them. They will also try to speak to you if they have a brand-new car thinking you will say something to them because they're riding pretty. Always know your worth, stay humble across the board, and keep doing the transformation work in your heart and soul.

For Starters
When asked to name an effective way of obtaining wealth, a common answer is: "Invest". What is the problem with this answer? Well, the majority of respondents have very little or no money in their savings account. I see the beginning of wealth building in a different light. A saying that almost everyone knows but nearly no one applies is: "A penny saved is a penny earned". In today's culture it is definitely much easier to spend money than it is to save it. The average American is exposed to 247 advertisements in one day! Less than 5% of Americans have at least $3000 in savings and no debt. It is no wonder that most consumers struggle with saving money or grasping the concept of building wealth. We are mentally flogged with television and radio commercials, newspaper and magazine ads, billboards, signs, posters and even conversations. Whatever the method, it all serves one main purpose - to take your money and make it theirs.

Unveiling the Mystery
So with all those statistics and all that advertising, how in the world is it possible to build wealth? Well consider yourself ahead of the game already. By reading this article you are opening your mind to ideas and concepts which could help you to begin the process which is more than can be said for most people out there. A house starts with a single brick and the same is true with wealth building. You have to start with what you can and keep adding to it.
Why not jump in to stocks, mutual funds or other investments right off the bat? Life will continue to happen whether you plan for it or not. So plan for it. You must start with a lump sum of money in your savings account which has been referred to as an "emergency savings". A good figure for this is $1000. You MUST pay your savings first, before anything else. If you do not, your savings will not grow (or it may not happen at all). This extra money will act as a soft landing for any financial falls that can and will occur while you pay down other debts that are road blocking your way to building wealth. You must realize though; this money is first priority but can not be touched - ONLY for emergencies. By following these 2 steps:

• Stocking up your savings with $1,000 and then

• Eliminating extra debts (with great fervor), you will prepare yourself for a much easier road to building wealth.

Making it Happen
You have to take action now or this whole savings thing will not happen. First, get a savings account. If you have one, find out what the interest rate is. Many have something like 0.25% to 1% (WHOOPEE!). Remember that you are not trying to make all your money in interest right now but since the money is going to sit you may as well look around. It is possible to land up to a 3-5% interest rate. Another option is a money market account to get a good rate although restrictions sometimes apply for things like early withdrawal fees and keeping a minimum amount in the account at all times. Secondly, as I stated earlier, take your savings off the top on payday. You have to make a painful change as well though. You may have to sacrifice some things to get that initial $1,000. This could mean no eating out or temporarily cutting out an expensive hobby. You also might want to try changing your phone company or downgrading your cable package. I hate this next idea but it is for a good cause: Drop your credit card payments below the minimum (JUST FOR NOW). Anyway, you get the idea. Cut some here - cut some there. Now, take all the figures you cut and add them together. This is what you will put in to your savings account until you reach $1,000. See, when the average person feels like they are getting ahead or even staying even, a setback occurs and sends everything spiraling downward. This is the hard part of building wealth and it is just the beginning (the first brick). However, without this extra money in savings you will tread water until you eventually drown, so stop thinking about it and start acting on it today.

Call this post a rant, but I decided it’s high time I wrote this in-your-face article to let people know what they’re doing wrong.

Time and time again I see my friends acting like, well, kids. It baffles my mind to how somebody around my age, can be so insecure that they behave like selfish, needy, erratic and crazy brats.

Life is tough. Life is even unfair, but that doesn’t mean we should keep acting out, believing the world revolves only around us.

My friends, I shouldn’t have to write this, but here are 7 secrets to growing up and maturing into an adult

1) You MUST recognize how you’re coming across and how others perceive you

You have your own thoughts and feelings, but that doesn’t mean people around you think or feel the same way.

So basically, what you say or do has a different meaning to others. It’s important to know how you’re coming across as to others because you don’t want to go downhill and have people judge you and start misunderstanding you to be a selfish person.

Why? Because face it. People are judgmental creatures. Image is important. It’s not going to do you any good if you go down that path of acting your way while entirely coming across as another to others. And yeah, you’ll come across as selfish if you think your way is the only way.

For example, say you’ve had a stressful week at work. You do indeed have the right to whine, rant or complain about it. Do it once, sure, maybe others will think you’re a hard worker. Do it everyday for the week? You’re a whiny brat then, and nobody likes a whiner.

2) Hence, you need to care about what others think too!

Okay I get it. The entire self-help world rages on about not caring about what others think and how that creates an awesome life for you.

But I call a little bullshit on that. To a certain extent, we all do care about others think about us. And how you play with that idea is an art. It’s make the difference between a masterful adult who’s brave enough to lead his life his own way and a stubborn little kid; between the adult who keeps his comments to himself and the kid who is (unknowingly) rude to others and then thinks he’s still right.

Yet, it honestly shouldn’t be that hard.

Care about what others think because you respect others and wish not to harm them. Care because you know others have their own challenges in life and thus the world doesn’t revolve around you. Care because, you care.

Don’t care about what others think because you know it’s just noise trying to drag you down from hitting your own goals and dreams. Don’t care because they’re toxic people. Don’t care because you know you’re own person.

3) Suck it up if it’s just a little pain

Look, this is life. There’re ups and then there’re downs. Not everything goes our way.

And when that happens, it is the adult who accepts it, learns from it, brushes his himself off and move on.

It is the kid who whines, rants and complains loudly about it.

It’s not a big deal if it hurts a little ONLY! So suck it up. It’s not the end of the world and nobody wants to hear it from you more than once.

4) Never hide your pain by trying to hurt others and drag others down

Unfortunately, a lot of people who’re hurting in this world function this way. This is why bullies exist.

I was never really bullied, but I’ve had my fair share of encountering people who thought they could put me down as a way of actually seeking my attention badly. They’d subsequently start justifying why they were acting like jerks and then reveal what their problem was.

So be open about it. A mature adult would be open about his problems and then actively seek the help he needs. A kid would complain, insult and then cry just for the attention.

5) So be vulnerable and learn to apologize

By that extension, an adult would willingly admit that they’re wrong too. An immature person on the other hand would hunt for excuses just to cover up their own mistakes.

Always make amends. Be a man. Be an adult about it. Learn to forgive others too. You’re not always right and you’ve to respect the idea that you screw up and make mistakes too.

Truly, the mark of a real man is one who not only faces those he fears, but also those he has wronged.

6) Never cry for attention on social media

Perhaps I’m a little biased on the way social media works, but I think this has to be said.

An adult seeks feedback on social media. He or she would break out of their comfort zone and expect to be judged as they showcase their work, art or opinion.

If it’s anything less than that, then you’re just crying for attention and seeking weak validation through the currency of likes, shares or comments. This is when you post some passive aggressive status that is vague in its meaning altogether. This is when you feel good because you hear what you want to hear from your friends, the ones who are too nice to tell you what you NEED to hear instead.

Then you call it a day and sweep your problems under the digital rug.

That’s what kids do. Don’t expect to grow up at all if you’re addicted to this.

7) Act and don’t act your age

Ahh. Another idea the self-help world has put on a pedestal, namely, that age is just a number and we should do whatever we want regardless of how old we are.

But honestly, how effective is that? Can we do that for every second in our lives?

Of course not. The world will be a crappier place overnight if adults refuse to act like adults and then start dumping all their responsibilities.

So like not caring about what others think, you’ve to play with this carefully.

Act your age because you need to be responsible and retain accountability in your life, especially if there’re people depending on you. Act your age so you can take charge and help those younger than you.

Yet, shed the ideas around what is expected of your age! Balance it out and start braving life by doing what you really want. Heck, help those older than you too.

Live a fulfilling life yourself. It’s very possible to do that without shirking your responsibilities.

Okay. Rant over! Help me share this if you know of friends who need to grow up!

Do NOT ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of a father’s love. Samuel Forrest just overcame a major hurdle as a new dad, and he’s only been at it for a few weeks. He is the proud father to a beautiful son, born January 21st in an Armenian hospital. Since then, Forrest has proven to be a deeply devoted dad to baby Leo, who was born with Down syndrome, as well as a champion for change.

He told ABC News, “They took me in [to] see him and I looked at this guy and I said, he’s beautiful — he’s perfect and I’m absolutely keeping him.” While it may seem strange that NOT keeping Leo was even a consideration, according to Forrest, a native of New Zealand, Armenian hospitals have an unconventional practice.

“What happens when a baby [with Down syndrome] is born here, they will tell you that you don’t have to keep them,” he told ABC News. While Forrest was unwavering in his decision to parent his beloved child, his wife reportedly gave him an ultimatum: give up the child or face a divorce. After Forrest decided to keep Leo, his wife filed for divorce, and Forrest began making plans to return with his newborn son to New Zealand. (His wife confirmed her delivery and divorce to ABC News but wouldn’t comment further on the issue).

Forrest’s situation was unexpected and difficult. He needed to uproot his life, now that his marriage ended just days after becoming a father to his special-needs son. Worried about having the financial ability to support Leo on his own, Samuel started a GoFundMe account, in which he hoped to raise $60,000 to get them through a year of medical care and physical transition. As of midday today, he has raised over $357,000.

At 16, I had my first boyfriend, and telling him I was a virgin was a no-brainer because he was also my first kiss. He was the bad-boy type—definitely more experienced than I was—and I was attracted to him even though I knew I would never have sex with him. It was just too young for me; and anyway, I wanted to wait until I loved the guy I was with, and my first boyfriend was just a crush. So at 16, I thought I had it all figured out: find someone special and all the pieces will fit together (pun intended).

And then I got to college, land of the dorm rooms. In my freshman year I dated this guy who seemed perfect: sweet, smart, and handsome, the whole deal. The physical stuff came pretty quickly, but when I stopped him going too far and told him why, I felt tears come into my eyes. He wasn’t mean or judgmental about it—we were just about 18 after all—but he laughed at me when he saw the tears in my eyes and suddenly I felt misunderstood, and more important, pressured. That relationship didn’t last long. I knew that my emotional reaction meant that something about him didn’t sit well with me.

Time passed. Meeting guys in bars or going on first dates was much more complicated during my college years, because when the time came—when that question,“Wanna come back to my apartment?” came up—I invariably said no. That happened so many times that I practically perfected my responses, and, more than that, I avoided first dates. Were they all like this? Would every “good” first date end in an invitation for sex? Suddenly, my love requirement seemed flimsy and unattainable.

The third time I told a guy I was a virgin, I remember pushing myself to get the words out. The guy I’d been seeing sporadically for months was truly special, a kind boy with chocolate-brown eyes and that boyish shyness I couldn’t get enough of. He told me about his past sexual history, that he and his girlfriend had waited for each other, and that she was the only one he’d ever been with.

Hesitantly, with my head on his shoulder in his big wide bed, I all but whispered the words, “I’ve never had sex before.” Nervous about his response, I expected shock, discomfort, misunderstanding. But I really underestimated him. He said, “Really?”—but the question was free of judgment. When I confirmed it, I asked him why he was surprised. I was expecting him to say that I didn’t seem like the “type,” or else ask me personal questions about whether or not I was waiting for marriage or something. But all he said was, “I don’t know. I guess I just thought it would have happened for you already.” It was such a simple statement, so straightforward and honest. That was the best time. His response made me realize I was expecting judgment; and when I didn’t get it, I felt much more confident about my choice, as if it truly were “normal.”

More than that, I trusted him not to pressure me, and it was actually his idea to wait until we were absolutely sure about each other. When that time never came, I was in the unexpected position of not wanting to wait anymore. I felt like I had found something, and even though it ended, I knew that I wanted something like it again: with someone to trust, someone to love, and someone to share this experience with.

Still, a part of my brain found it strange that I had felt the need to explain myself, and an even louder part of my brain recognized that being a virgin shouldn’t be considered a bad thing. I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about it. I thought what a weird world we live in that someone is judged by their number of sexual partners, or lack thereof.

The last time I told a guy I was a virgin, it was via text. I’d met this pushy guy at a bar and he proceeded to text me nonstop for two weeks, trying to glean every bit of information about me all the while informing me what a catch he was. I was in a post-breakup downswing of emotions so I probably should have kicked him to the curb a lot sooner, but when the subject of sexual partners came up, I was craving acceptance enough to tell him—a virtual stranger—that I was still a virgin.

He did not take it well. He was like, “Well are you waiting for marriage?” As if he were preparing himself for a long wait. And he told me, “You know, it’ll probably hurt the first time.” Thank you, Mr. Health Teacher. And then he so gallantly offered himself for the task of taking my virginity, with one stipulation: “As long as you don’t get obsessed.” I somewhat impolitely declined, but not before he bombarded me with a bunch of less-than-tactful questions about what being a virgin was like, chief among them if I was sexually frustrated. At that time, I wished there were a middle-finger emoji to send him. But I also just felt drowned in shame and embarrassment, and despair that I would ever again be in a position to not feel that way about my virgin status.

At 23 years old, I’m confident about my choices. They’ve made me happy despite the complications, and I feel like I haven’t betrayed who I am. I know what I want, I always have, and I’m willing to wait to get it. But sometimes, waiting is tough, and now, I’m also waiting for the next moment that I’ll have to tell a new guy that yes, I’m still a virgin. This time I’ll say it proudly, without shame, and without apologizing for who I am.

Going out for dinner on Valentine's Day comes with all sorts of stress and unnecessary expectations. The restaurants are over-crowded, there are cheesy "romantic" specials meant to be shared and you often feel rushed, as though the host wants to seat his next reservation at your table as soon as you put down your fork. So what's a gentleman to do? "Take matters into your own hands and cook something nice at your place," says Dorian Burns-Coyne, founder of Blade & Skillet. "Not only will it answer the question 'Where are we eating tonight,' but it'll give you a chance to show off for your date." Not a Michelin starred chef? No worries. Blade & Skillet specializes in simple, but tasty meals that don't require a lot of prep work or fancy equipment. We asked Burns-Coyne for a Valentine's Day game plan and he's provided everything you need, from a delicious dinner and wine pairings to dessert.

Technique

1.)Preheat the oven to 450°F.

2.)Cut the potato into wedges and toss them with melted butter, a little salt and pepper, then lay them out on a sheet pan.

3.)Score the fatty side of the lamb with a knife, then drizzle with olive oil and rub the minced garlic, rosemary, thyme, salt and pepper into the slits then place on the sheet next to the potatoes. Cover the bones with tin foil so they don't burn, and place it in the oven for 18-20 minutes.

4.)Rinse the snap peas and remove the ends. Put a skillet on medium high heat, drop a nob of butter in, followed by the peas. Add a pinch of salt and a crack of pepper and cook for 5-7 minutes, shaking often.

5.)Take the rack of lamb and potatoes out of the oven and take the snap peas off the heat. Set the table and serve the potatoes and peas while the lamb rests for a few minutes. When you're all set, slice the lamb into individual pieces and enjoy.

A simple dessert is a nice way to cap off the meal and instead of chocolates, Burns-Coyne suggests picking up some French macarons. "No woman has ever resisted these little confections and they come in a vast variety of flavors."

The best things never go out of fashion. A Champagne flute filled with effervescent beauty is always an impressive accessory especially during the holiday season. In the same way that you are dressing up for these festive get togethers, let's look at how you can dress up that glass of bubbly.

Of course, Champagne is perfect the way it is. Two red grapes (Pinot noir and Pinot Meunier) and the white Chardonnay make up just about all of the grapes grown in the Champagne region of Northeastern France. These grapes are then transformed through two fermentations (one for alcohol content and one to tickle your nose) and a lengthy stint resting upside down at an angle to get all the floaties to settle out. One may think "Hey, why would you add anything to this already amazing liquid after all it has been through?!" Well, if we didn't modify already tasty liquids, we would be without cocktails in general and a world like that is not one I prefer to live in.

In order to understand the Champagne cocktail, you must drink one. It's simple. Potent. Perfect. Be the guy drinking bubbles at a holiday party and you won't regret it. Just watch your intake. The bubbles cause it to be absorbed into your bloodstream faster than say a still cocktail and you will feel it about halfway through your second one. So make good use of that bottle of Champagne you keep chilled in your fridge for special occasions. You can use sparkling wine in a pinch but you should reward yourself with the good stuff.

"...only 3 in 10 remain in healthy, happy marriages."

Thought I'd share with you an interesting piece by Derek Lovell I read recently on the website themindunleashed.org.

Derek mentions that author Emily Smith in her article, “Master of Love” states that of all the couples that get married, only 3 in 10 remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After”.

His words:

Every day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.

THE STUDY OF MARRIAGE

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970’s in response to a crisis: married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were.
With a team of researchers, scientists hooked the couples up to electrodes and asked the couples to speak about their relationship, how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and a positive memory they had. As they spoke, the electrodes measured the subjects’ blood flow, heart rates and how much they sweat they produced. Then the researchers sent the couples home and followed up with them six years later to see if they were still together.

From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: the masters and the disasters. The masters were still happily together after six years. The disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages.

But what does physiology have to do with anything? The problem was that the disasters showed all the signs of arousal — of being in fight-or-flight mode — in their relationships. Having a conversation sitting next to their spouse was, to their bodies, like facing off with a saber-toothed tiger.

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in an interview, “which is this: they are scanning their social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.”

THE CLEAR SIGNS

Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50% of positive things their partners are doing and can even create negativity when it’s not there!

People who give their partner the cold shoulder — deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally — damage the relationship by making their partner feel worthless and invisible, as if they’re not there, not valued. And people who treat their partners with contempt and criticize them do nothing but further the damage.

Kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a relationship. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood and validated—feel loved.

The hardest time to practice kindness is, of course, during a fight—but this is also the most important time to be kind. Letting contempt and aggression spiral out of control during a conflict can inflict irrevocable damage on a relationship.

“Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger,” Julie Gottman explained, “but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you’re hurt and angry, and that’s the kinder path.”

When people think about practicing kindness, they often think about small acts of generosity, like buying each other little gifts or giving one another back rubs every now and then. While those are great examples of generosity, kindness can also be built into the very backbone of a relationship through the way partners interact with each other on a day-to-day basis, whether or not there are back rubs and chocolates involved.

Another powerful kindness strategy revolves around shared joy. One of the telltale signs of the disaster couples studied, was their inability to connect over each other’s good news. When one person in the relationship shared the good news of, say, a promotion at work with excitement, the other would respond with wooden disinterest by checking his watch or shutting the conversation down with a comment like, “That’s nice.”

As the normal stresses of a life together pile up—with children, career, friends, in-laws, and other distractions crowding out the time for romance and intimacy—couples may put less effort into their relationship and let the petty grievances they hold against one another tear them apart.

In most marriages, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together. But among couples who not only endure, but live happily together for years and years, the spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.




Better learn these traits if you're in it for the long run.
Read the original article here: Link

There are some men who make women feel very lovable and desirable. They lavish love and gifts on them, and make them feel very special. But when it comes to marriage, they back out. They have a great fear of getting tied to a single woman for life. They run away from the very idea of marriage. Their relationships never have fairytale endings; instead they are littered with heartbreaks.

These men suffer from commitment phobia, a fear of committing themselves to one single woman. However, they don't hesitate to play the loving game. They go out of their way to make their women feel special. They woo them with all the passion that they can command. But they cool off once the woman talks of marriage.

How to spot a commitment phobe

For any woman it is important to spot commitment phobes early in the relationship. This is the only way they can keep their feet firmly on the ground, and not get swept away by the charm offensive launched by such men.

Fortunately, the commitment phobes are very predictable and display several common traits. These are:

1. They have been involved in several relationships in the past, but all of them have been brief. The reason, they will charmingly tell you, is that they are yet to come across a woman of their dreams, someone with whom they can have a lifelong relationship. You are that woman, they will tell you. It is for you to spot the lie or swallow it hook, line and sinker.

2. They would show much more interest in you that you do in them  They will follow you, beseech you, please you, woo you - try every trick in the trade to win you over.
They will even drop hints of long and stable relationships; they will talk of "we" and "us" not "I" and "me".

3. They will make you feel very special. They will shower you with love and affection. They will make you feel their world will come to an end if you spurn them or misunderstand them. You will find it impossible to resist them, unless you realize what is happening.

However, this ardent wooing will be limited to the first phase of the relationship. The relationship will take a different turn the moment you surrender It is not that such men treat women as trophies to be won, and then displayed in their personal museums; but they are driven by contradictory feelings. They neither want to give up a woman nor want to commit themselves to her. It is a psychological disorder. But it can have serious effects both on the relationship, and on you.

You will not realize what has happened to your relationship. The same man, who could not live without you for a moment, will start looking for excuses to stay away from you. You will no longer be the shining light of their lives. The talk of matrimony will freeze them. Your tears may make them unhappy but it will not move them. It wouldn't be long before you are left only with memories and tears; the commitment phobe would have moved forward to another woman.

Why do they behave like this

You need not search for reasons for the souring of the relationship. You should also not blame yourself for what has happened. You must realize that commitment phobia is an emotional disorder, and you have become a victim of a person suffering from such a disorder.

According to psychologists, the commitment phobes behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. This may happen because:

1. As a sensitive child, a commitment phobe's world was torn by a bitter divorce between his parents. He grew up with a feeling that there can be no permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Such a relationship can only bring pain in the long run.

2. Some commitment phobes cannot reconcile to the death of their father or mother or forget the sadness and grief that overcame their parents when one of them died. They therefore grow up with the feeling of not to enter into permanent relationships - relationships that can bring pain on account of the death of a loved one.

3. Some commitment phobes may have been betrayed by those whom they loved. This would have created a mindset of never to give in to a woman again.



How to deal with a commitment phobe

You must realize that you have very few chances of winning a commitment phobe. You must therefore play hard to get. You must refuse to get into bed with him for very often this signals the end of a relationship. Let him feel desperate; let him step up his wooing. But don't give in.

It is important that you continue to live your own life. You should not allow a commitment phobe to set the pace of your life. You should continue dating other men and act as an independent woman who can live her life on her own. Never make the mistake of playing second fiddle to such men or switching to what-a-wife-would-do mode.

You should not drum excuses for his behavior, or try to convince yourself that he is right and you are wrong. In your mind, you should not become his advocate. You must look at his actions, not his words. Words are easy; they can be lavished with freedom. But it is hard to match them with action.

If possible, you should convince him to see a psychologist. There is always a chance that a psychologist may be able to remove the fears that a commitment phobe has about marital relationships. But this cannot happen in an instant. You have to be patient, and you have to see how the commitment phobe takes your suggestion or the counseling.

Finally, don't grieve if your relationship breaks down. Take it in your stride. Treat it as a fun fling that was bound to end this way.

 

 One of the most important rules of persuasion (especially in sales) is that you have to be careful how you ask for things. You have to put more thought into how you ask questions of people.

For example, imagine what happens when you ask a woman this:

"Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime this week?"

First of all, you're giving her a yes/no question. Very bad.

You're going to have to learn to guide people to the decisions that they want to make, and that you want them to make.